


Hook, Line, and Sinker

by kingsqueen



Series: Hook, Line, and Sinker [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comparing earth to middle earth, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mirkwood elves are your live studio audience, Modern Character in Middle Earth, Multi, POV Second Person, POV changes while remaining in second person, Reader doesn’t give a shit, Sitting on Laps, Slightly Sexual Pick up Lines, Thats just a background story though, You’re both dorks, alcohol consumption, cheesy pick up lines, gender neutral reader, human reader, i hope that makes sense, im so sorry, mentions of Thranduil - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15108320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingsqueen/pseuds/kingsqueen
Summary: They don’t use pick up lines in Middle Earth. You’re more than happy to start the tradition.





	Hook, Line, and Sinker

**Author's Note:**

> You’ve probably heard these before.

Legolas was struggling to keep a stoic composure while feeling this happy. He had led his troop on a successful mission, he didn’t have to worry about bothersome spiders for a little while, and his adar had said he was proud of him. _And nobody was hurt!_  


Legolas had wanted more opportunities to track down the spiders deeper in the forest, but the Elvenking and his son didn’t really see eye to eye. It had taken a while for his father to allow the attack on a particularly large hoard of spiders and Legolas was overjoyed that they hadn’t messed it up. He was proving to be a promising leader.

He was currently sitting in the wine cellar with the several elves that made up his troop, drinking. Surely a victory such as this deserved a small celebration. It was his own way of thanking them. He didn’t think his father would mind the bottles missing anyway. Legolas didn’t think he would notice at all, with the amount they had. 

Legolas was reclined in his seat, with his 11th glass? He had lost count. It didn’t matter much anyway, he was only feeling a bit buzzed. The slight redness in his cheeks was the only indicator that he had been drinking, and he had no intention of stopping.

The other elves were the same way, it would take a lot more than a bottle or few to affect them. Loud and cheerful conversations filled the room, but with each cup, Legolas found himself thinking of a certain human. 

You had come to Mirkwood claiming that you didn’t know where you were or how you got there. Legolas had brought you before his father and they both listened to your ramblings about another world, one comprised of only men. It sounded made up, but the plain honesty on your face made them believe you. After much convincing from Legolas, the king had let you stay in a guest room. He knew, deep down, that his father’s curiosity was the only reason he had agreed.

Since then, Legolas would pester you with questions about your world. He was annoyed when you boasted about how much more advanced it was. _No need for candles? And this ‘phone’ sounds too good to be true._ He was caught off guard when you were truly upset to have lost it, even when you confirmed that it had no sentimental value. _Were all humans this attached to their ‘phones’?_  
He had lots of questions and vowed to find a way to visit this ‘Earth.’

“Legolas?” The sound of his name brought him back from his musings. The three elves he had been talking to were staring at him. Realizing that he had stopped paying attention in the middle of a story, he apologized and urged them to continue. 

“It’s no problem -must be the drinks, I think you’re getting lightweight _mellon nîn._ ” The ellon in front of him said with a grin. Legolas was just glad that they were comfortable enough around him to forgo titles, and even gladder they considered themselves his friends. 

“I guess so.” Legolas lied. He’s definitely not a lightweight, but he’d rather not tell them he was thinking of you.

The human that occupied his thoughts came barging in. Everybody froze halfway through their conversations to pay attention to you.

“I heard there were drinks. I want in.” 

“There is wine.” A female voice replied.

“Wine is fine.” You said, visibly cringing at your own rhyme. It was not intended.

The elves smiled at it, though. You weren’t surprised, they probably ate that type of humor up. _The geezers._ Or they thought you were crazy, you still weren’t surprised.

“Alright,” another elf said, male this time, and gave you a half finished bottle, not bothering to take a glass out. He was the only other one not using a glass. You must have looked surprised, because he smirked. You like him. 

Now you needed to sit somewhere, but there were no empty seats. You were about to sit on the table, but your eyes landed on Legolas. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of you. You thought that he looked a little too comfortable in that chair. 

There were many perks that came with being from another world. Explaining science to Legolas was more than amusing. You saw the utter disbelief and blow to his pride when you told him that men have been to the moon. Telling him about human history and various religions seemed to engage him the most. But this -what you were about to do- was going to be the best.

Legolas watched you walk over with a mischievous grin on your face. He was happy you were here, he now wondered if he should be worried. 

You pointed at his lap. He looked down, thinking he spilled some wine on himself, but found his breeches clean. He then looked back up at you, visibly confused. 

“Is this seat taken?”

“Yes, I’m sitting in it.” He replied indignantly. 

“No, buddy, is _this_ seat taken?” You said once more, continuing to point at his lap.

“I just answered you.” He was getting annoyed. He didn’t know what a ‘buddy’ was, but he didn’t like the sound of it. 

Your smile grew. The best perk was using the same old pick up lines, because nobody here has heard of them.

The elves behind you were trying to hide their laughter. You saw the realization dawn on Legolas’ face.

“What?” _What?_

“It looks empty to me Legolas.”

“What?” He was too astonished to be embarrassed. “Are you implying-“

“Yes.”

This was going nowhere.  
“I’m going to sit on your lap, _my prince_ , is that fine?”

Legolas had no idea how to feel. He knew he should feel angry. If he was anything like his father, he would jump out of his seat and berate you for speaking so lewdly to him in front of his troop. But Legolas wasn’t his father. He wasn’t embarrassed either, he normally would be, maybe it was the wine. 

He felt butterflies in his stomach for sure. And after the initial shock, he was definitely amused. _You were funny. Clever human._

You stayed in the same position with a cocked eyebrow, waiting for an answer. The elves were hysterical behind him.  
“Is that fine?” You repeated.

“Like wine.” He said, with a smirk that mirrored yours. Legolas had thrown your own unintended joke back at you. He watched the cockiness on your face turn to pure delight. _Legolas could joke!_

You jumped onto his lap, knocking the wind out of him. You then draped your legs over one armrest, with your back against the other. It wasn’t very comfortable, but you were just grateful you made it onto his lap in the first place. 

You stayed on his lap for the rest of the night, took swigs from your bottle, and watched him down glasses of wine like it was water. 

He was speaking to a few elves when an idea struck. You suddenly interrupted him.

“Was your father a thief?”

His eyes widened and he straightened up. He looked appalled. The room silenced.  
_“How dare-“_

“Cause somebody stole the stars and put them in your eyes.” You flashed him your prize winning smile.

His troop roared with laughter. Legolas relaxed once more, relieved he didn’t have to yell at you. He had grown fond of the human on his lap. The compliment was flattering, _and such a contrast with the premise._

“I -Thank you,” He gave you a tired smile, “any more of those and you will kill me.” _And my father will kill you._

“Oh, I have many more where that came from.”

**Author's Note:**

> Adar- father  
> Mellon nîn - my friend  
> Ellon - male elf


End file.
